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Psychology, family and everyday life

Parents: when a child is ill, or an adult child is ill

Leukemia in a child changes the whole family; parents feel fear, guilt and exhaustion. In adults, older parents are deeply shaken by their son's or daughter's illness. This section covers support for parents.

Last updated: ~1 min read
A girl sitting on a bed hugging a teddy bear
Figure 1.When a child is ill, the whole family changes

01Short answer

Parents did not cause their child's leukemia (“Self-blame: "What did I do wrong?"”). Results for childhood leukemia are very good today, but treatment is long, so pace yourselves. Take turns staying in hospital, and make sure you eat and sleep. Give attention to brothers and sisters; they are scared too and may feel jealous. Explain things to your child according to their age (“How to explain it to a child: honest, simple, age-appropriate”). For school see “Study: keeping on learning during treatment”. Parent support groups and a social worker can help.

02Simple explanation

It is not your fault.

Take turns.

Remember siblings.

Support groups.

03Scientific explanation

NCI: in childhood cancer, emotional and practical support for parents shapes how the whole family adjusts.

NCI: most people facing cancer feel anxiety, sadness or anger; support and treatment improve quality of life.

04What happens in the body?

Siblings

They need a simple explanation and special time.

Older parents

Keep them informed without overloading them.

A night light
Figure 3.A night light — Parents: when a child is ill, or an adult child is ill

Psycho-oncology

The field of medicine focused on the emotional needs of people with cancer.

Small steps

Breathing, movement, sleep and talking, a little each day.

05Support: four steps

Feel it, name it, share it, get help.

Feel — Allow your feelings.1FeelAllow your feelings.
Name — Say what you feel.2NameSay what you feel.
Share — Talk to someone close.3ShareTalk to someone close.
Get help — Reach out to a specialist.4Get helpReach out to a specialist.
AttentionListen to yourself.
ConnectionYou are not alone.
SupportA specialist is there.

06Key points at a glance

TopicIn brief
SiblingsThey need a simple explanation and special time.
Older parentsKeep them informed without overloading them.
Psycho-oncologyThe field of medicine focused on the emotional needs of people with cancer.
Small stepsBreathing, movement, sleep and talking, a little each day.

07Key terms

Social worker
A specialist in practical and social matters.
Support group
A gathering of people in a similar situation.
Psychologist
A specialist in emotional support.
Distress
Emotional strain linked to illness.

08Key points

  • Do not blame yourself.
  • Take turns.
  • Accept help.
  • Feelings are normal.
  • Ask for support.

09Frequently asked questions

Should I tell my child everything?

Honestly and simply, suited to their age (“How to explain it to a child: honest, simple, age-appropriate”).

I am falling apart myself.

See a psychologist; that helps your child too.

Does seeing a psychologist mean I am "crazy"?

No. It is looking after yourself in a hard situation.

10Questions for your doctor

Take these questions to your appointment. The ones you save are collected on the “My questions” page and stay on this device only.

  1. Should I tell my child everything?

  2. I am falling apart myself.

  3. Does seeing a psychologist mean I am "crazy"?

My questions

12Sources

  1. National Cancer Institute. Support for Families: Childhood Cancer
  2. National Cancer Institute. Feelings and Cancer
  3. National Cancer Institute. Adjusting to Cancer
  4. National Cancer Institute. Support for Caregivers
  5. World Health Organization. Mental health: strengthening our response
  6. American Cancer Society. Working During Cancer Treatment
  7. American Cancer Society. Work Accommodations When You or a Family Member Has Cancer
  8. American Cancer Society. Financial and Insurance Matters
  9. Macmillan Cancer Support. Money and work
  10. Cancer and Careers. Resources for working people with cancer
Medical disclaimerThis information is for educational purposes only and does not replace medical advice.
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