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Psychology, family and everyday life

How to explain it to a child: honest, simple, age-appropriate

Children always sense when something has changed in the family, and silence increases their fear. Whether the child, a parent or a sibling is ill, an honest and simple explanation is needed.

Last updated: ~1 min read
A mother reading a book to her young daughter on a sofa
Figure 1.A book can help start the conversation

01Short answer

Name the illness: "leukemia is an illness of the blood". For young children: "There are sick cells in the blood, and the doctors treat them with medicine". Older children can have more detail. Key messages: it is not your fault; you cannot catch leukemia; you will always be looked after. Say in advance what will happen (hair loss, hospital). Answer questions honestly; "I don't know" is fine. Books, drawing and play help. It is not a single conversation; it will come up again. A child psychologist or hospital play specialist can help.

02Simple explanation

Honest and simple.

Not your fault.

Not catching.

The talk repeats.

03Scientific explanation

NCI: giving children honest, age-appropriate information reduces anxiety and keeps trust.

NCI: most people facing cancer feel anxiety, sadness or anger; support and treatment improve quality of life.

04What happens in the body?

Age

Pre-school children need simple words; teenagers want details and involvement.

Behaviour

Changes in sleep, school and behaviour can be signs of worry.

Psycho-oncology

The field of medicine focused on the emotional needs of people with cancer.

Small steps

Breathing, movement, sleep and talking, a little each day.

05Support: four steps

Feel it, name it, share it, get help.

Feel — Allow your feelings.1FeelAllow your feelings.
Name — Say what you feel.2NameSay what you feel.
Share — Talk to someone close.3ShareTalk to someone close.
Get help — Reach out to a specialist.4Get helpReach out to a specialist.
AttentionListen to yourself.
ConnectionYou are not alone.
SupportA specialist is there.

06Key points at a glance

TopicIn brief
AgePre-school children need simple words; teenagers want details and involvement.
BehaviourChanges in sleep, school and behaviour can be signs of worry.
Psycho-oncologyThe field of medicine focused on the emotional needs of people with cancer.
Small stepsBreathing, movement, sleep and talking, a little each day.

07Key terms

Age-appropriate
At a level the child can understand.
Play therapy
Emotional support through play.
Psychologist
A specialist in emotional support.
Distress
Emotional strain linked to illness.

08Key points

  • Be honest.
  • Keep it simple.
  • Come back to it.
  • Feelings are normal.
  • Ask for support.

09Frequently asked questions

What if they ask "Will you die?"

Calmly and honestly: "The doctors are doing everything to make me better"; talk to a psychologist.

Isn't hiding it better?

Usually not; a child may hear it elsewhere and become more frightened.

Does seeing a psychologist mean I am "crazy"?

No. It is looking after yourself in a hard situation.

10Questions for your doctor

Take these questions to your appointment. The ones you save are collected on the “My questions” page and stay on this device only.

  1. What if they ask "Will you die?"

  2. Isn't hiding it better?

  3. Does seeing a psychologist mean I am "crazy"?

My questions

12Sources

  1. National Cancer Institute. Talking with Family and Friends
  2. National Cancer Institute. Feelings and Cancer
  3. National Cancer Institute. Adjusting to Cancer
  4. National Cancer Institute. Support for Caregivers
  5. World Health Organization. Mental health: strengthening our response
  6. Ministry of Labour and Social Protection of Population (Azerbaijan). Disability assessment: general information (in Azerbaijani)
  7. JAMA, 2009. Cancer survivors and unemployment: a meta-analysis and meta-regression
  8. CA: A Cancer Journal for Clinicians, 2018. The financial burden and distress of patients with cancer: Understanding and stepping-up action on the financial toxicity of cancer treatment
  9. American Cancer Society. How to Keep Your Home Clean When Living With Cancer
  10. U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA). A Brief Guide to Mold, Moisture and Your Home
Medical disclaimerThis information is for educational purposes only and does not replace medical advice.
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