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Psychology, family and everyday life

Husband or wife: going through it together

Leukemia affects both people in a couple. The partner becomes both a loved one and a carer; roles, plans, money and intimacy change. This section explains how to protect the relationship.

Last updated: ~1 min read
Close-up of an older couple holding hands
Figure 1.Going through it together

01Short answer

Talk openly about fears, needs and tiredness. Once a week, make time for a conversation that is not about the illness. Share tasks and do not turn down outside help. The caring partner needs rest and support too (“How a loved one can avoid burnout: carers need care too”). For intimacy and sex see “Relationships and intimacy: closeness continues”. If tension is serious, a family or couples psychologist can help.

02Simple explanation

Talk openly.

Time without the illness.

Accept outside help.

Carers need rest.

03Scientific explanation

NCI: cancer affects a couple's relationship; communication and support make adjusting together easier.

NCI: most people facing cancer feel anxiety, sadness or anger; support and treatment improve quality of life.

04What happens in the body?

Roles

Household and money tasks may change for a while; agree on them.

Feelings

The partner may feel fear and anger too; that is normal.

Psycho-oncology

The field of medicine focused on the emotional needs of people with cancer.

Small steps

Breathing, movement, sleep and talking, a little each day.

05Support: four steps

Feel it, name it, share it, get help.

Feel — Allow your feelings.1FeelAllow your feelings.
Name — Say what you feel.2NameSay what you feel.
Share — Talk to someone close.3ShareTalk to someone close.
Get help — Reach out to a specialist.4Get helpReach out to a specialist.
AttentionListen to yourself.
ConnectionYou are not alone.
SupportA specialist is there.

06Key points at a glance

TopicIn brief
RolesHousehold and money tasks may change for a while; agree on them.
FeelingsThe partner may feel fear and anger too; that is normal.
Psycho-oncologyThe field of medicine focused on the emotional needs of people with cancer.
Small stepsBreathing, movement, sleep and talking, a little each day.

07Key terms

Couples therapy
Psychological support for a couple.
Carer burden
Strain from caregiving.
Psychologist
A specialist in emotional support.
Distress
Emotional strain linked to illness.

08Key points

  • Talk.
  • Make time.
  • Accept help.
  • Feelings are normal.
  • Ask for support.

09Frequently asked questions

Should I stay quiet so I do not scare my partner?

Openness usually makes it easier for both.

We argue a lot.

Tension is normal; a psychologist can help.

Does seeing a psychologist mean I am "crazy"?

No. It is looking after yourself in a hard situation.

10Questions for your doctor

Take these questions to your appointment. The ones you save are collected on the “My questions” page and stay on this device only.

  1. Should I stay quiet so I do not scare my partner?

  2. We argue a lot.

  3. Does seeing a psychologist mean I am "crazy"?

My questions

12Sources

  1. National Cancer Institute. Talking with Family and Friends
  2. National Cancer Institute. Feelings and Cancer
  3. National Cancer Institute. Adjusting to Cancer
  4. National Cancer Institute. Support for Caregivers
  5. World Health Organization. Mental health: strengthening our response
  6. Macmillan Cancer Support. Supporting someone with cancer
  7. NHS (UK). Support and benefits for carers
  8. CA: A Cancer Journal for Clinicians, 2010. Interventions with family caregivers of cancer patients: meta-analysis of randomized trials
  9. Cancer, 2016. Caring for caregivers and patients: Research and clinical priorities for informal cancer caregiving
  10. National Cancer Institute (NCI). Financial Toxicity and Cancer Treatment (PDQ®) – Patient Version
Medical disclaimerThis information is for educational purposes only and does not replace medical advice.
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