← Back
Guide for patients and loved ones

For a husband or wife

A spouse is often the closest support. The role is both love and a heavy load.

Last updated: ~1 min read
Two cups
Figure 1.Two cups — For a husband or wife

01Short answer

As a husband or wife you are emotional support, practical helper and sometimes the link with the team, all at once. It helps to listen and make decisions together, go to appointments and take notes, share daily tasks, keep an eye on home hygiene and the fever rule, and talk with the children. At the same time, do not forget your own health, sleep and work. Share your feelings, accept help from friends and talk with a psychologist if needed. Changes in the relationship, such as tiredness or a pause in intimacy, are normal and can be talked about.

02Simple explanation

You are part of the team.

Caring for yourself is caring for the patient too.

03Scientific explanation

Spouses who are caregivers often experience anxiety, poor sleep and burnout; support programmes reduce this load.

Some chemotherapy drugs can remain in body fluids for a short time; centres may advise using condoms during that period.

04What happens in the body?

How to support

Listen first, advise later. Make decisions together. Take notes at appointments and remind about questions.

Practical tasks

The calendar, medicines, shopping, children and paperwork. Give friends specific jobs.

Two intertwined lights
Figure 2.Two intertwined lights

For yourself

Sleep, food, movement and short breaks. If you get ill, keep your distance for a while and wear a mask.

A park bench
Figure 3.A park bench — For a husband or wife

05The spouse’s role

Four directions.

Listen — Room for feelings.1ListenRoom for feelings.
Share tasks — The load together.2Share tasksThe load together.
Protect health — Hygiene and vaccines.3Protect healthHygiene and vaccines.
Time for yourself — Rest.4Time for yourselfRest.
TogethernessDifficulties feel lighter together.
ResilienceThe carer stays strong too.

06Key points at a glance

TopicIn brief
How to supportListen first, advise later. Make decisions together. Take notes at appointments and remind about questions.
Practical tasksThe calendar, medicines, shopping, children and paperwork. Give friends specific jobs.
For yourselfSleep, food, movement and short breaks. If you get ill, keep your distance for a while and wear a mask.

07Key terms

Caregiver
A person who helps the patient every day.
Burnout
Physical and emotional exhaustion after long stress.
Support group
A meeting of people in a similar situation.

08Key points

  • Listening is the greatest support.
  • Share the tasks.
  • Protect your own health.
  • Accept help.

09Frequently asked questions

Should I hold back tears?

No, living through feelings together brings you closer.

Should I quit my job?

First discuss flexible working with your employer.

10Questions for your doctor

Take these questions to your appointment. The ones you save are collected on the “My questions” page and stay on this device only.

  1. Should I hold back tears?

  2. Should I quit my job?

My questions

12Sources

  1. National Cancer Institute (NCI). When Someone You Love Is Being Treated for Cancer (booklet)
  2. National Cancer Institute (NCI). Caring for the Caregiver
  3. National Cancer Institute (NCI). Support for Families When Someone Has Cancer
  4. National Cancer Institute (NCI). Infection and Neutropenia during Cancer Treatment
  5. National Cancer Institute (NCI). When Your Parent Has Cancer: A Guide for Teens
  6. National Cancer Institute (NCI). Survivorship: During and After Treatment
  7. NCCN. NCCN Guidelines for Patients
  8. Cancer.Net (ASCO). Talking With Family and Friends
  9. NHS. High temperature (fever) in adults
  10. NHS. How to wash your hands
Medical disclaimerThis information is for educational purposes only and does not replace medical advice.
Last updated: ← Back to the list

Open the interactive site →