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How to tell my family

Telling your family about the diagnosis is one of the hardest conversations. There are no ready-made “right words”, but a few tips help.

Last updated: ~1 min read
An evening family table
Figure 1.An evening family table

01Short answer

Choose a calm time and place, and first get clear for yourself what you want to say. Start with simple, honest words: the name of the illness, the next steps and what you know. For what you do not know, you can say “we don’t know yet”. Explain to children in a way that suits their age, and tell them it is not their fault and not contagious. Offer loved ones specific ways to help. If you wish, a doctor or psychologist can help with the conversation.

02Simple explanation

Honesty and simplicity are the best start.

You do not have to say everything at once.

03Scientific explanation

Open family communication is linked with less anxiety for patients and relatives; there are special materials and child psychologists for children.

Cultural and family traditions shape the conversation; the patient can decide how much to share.

04What happens in the body?

Preparing

Think about whom to tell, when and how much. Sometimes it is easier to talk with one close person first and then tell the others together.

With children

For young children, short and simple: “Mum/Dad is ill and the doctors are helping.” Teenagers may ask more; answer honestly. Keeping routines gives them a sense of safety.

Lights joined together
Figure 2.Lights joined together

Afterwards

It is not a one-off talk. Share new information as it comes. Give people specific tasks: shopping, transport, looking after children.

A child’s drawing: a sun and a house
Figure 3.A child’s drawing: a sun and a house

05Steps in the conversation

Four steps.

Choose a time — A calm, unhurried moment.1Choose a timeA calm, unhurried moment.
Simple words — Honest and clear.2Simple wordsHonest and clear.
Room for questions — Make space for feelings.3Room for questionsMake space for feelings.
Share the tasks — Specific ways to help.4Share the tasksSpecific ways to help.
ClosenessA family is stronger together.
Less worryOpenness reduces fear.

06Key points at a glance

TopicIn brief
PreparingThink about whom to tell, when and how much. Sometimes it is easier to talk with one close person first and then tell the others together.
With childrenFor young children, short and simple: “Mum/Dad is ill and the doctors are helping.” Teenagers may ask more; answer honestly. Keeping routines gives them a sense of safety.
AfterwardsIt is not a one-off talk. Share new information as it comes. Give people specific tasks: shopping, transport, looking after children.

07Key terms

Open communication
Honest sharing of feelings and information.
Age-appropriate explanation
Talking at a level the child can understand.
Support network
People who can help.

08Key points

  • Choose a calm time and place.
  • Speak simply and honestly.
  • Explain to children by age.
  • Accept specific help.

09Frequently asked questions

What if I hide it to protect my parents?

Hiding often creates more strain; talk about it with a doctor or psychologist.

What if I cry?

Showing feelings is natural and can bring you closer.

10Questions for your doctor

Take these questions to your appointment. The ones you save are collected on the “My questions” page and stay on this device only.

  1. What if I hide it to protect my parents?

  2. What if I cry?

My questions

12Sources

  1. National Cancer Institute (NCI). Support for Families When Someone Has Cancer
  2. National Cancer Institute (NCI). When Someone You Love Is Being Treated for Cancer (booklet)
  3. National Cancer Institute (NCI). When Your Parent Has Cancer: A Guide for Teens
  4. National Cancer Institute (NCI). Adjusting to Cancer
  5. MedlinePlus (U.S. National Library of Medicine). How to Understand Your Lab Results
  6. World Health Organization (WHO). Sepsis — fact sheet
  7. NCCIH (U.S. NIH). Herbs at a Glance
  8. MedlinePlus (U.S. National Library of Medicine). Central venous catheters - ports
  9. National Cancer Institute (NCI). Recurrent Cancer: When Cancer Comes Back
  10. National Cancer Institute (NCI). Survivorship: During and After Treatment
Medical disclaimerThis information is for educational purposes only and does not replace medical advice.
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