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Guide for patients and loved ones

For an adult son or daughter

A parent’s illness can change roles: now you are the one caring. This is both love and a new responsibility.

Last updated: ~1 min read
Two chairs on a terrace
Figure 1.Two chairs on a terrace

01Short answer

As an adult child you can go with your parent to appointments and help with paperwork, medicines and transport. Most important is to respect your parent’s own decisions and to speak with them, not for them. Share duties with brothers and sisters rather than leaving everything to one person. If you live far away, joining appointments by phone, organising documents and keeping in touch with a neighbour all count as help. Protect your own work, family and health too.

02Simple explanation

Respect your parent’s voice.

Share duties with your siblings.

03Scientific explanation

In older patients, treatment decisions take into account overall fitness, other illnesses and personal preferences.

Without the patient’s consent a doctor cannot share medical information with family; it helps to arrange consent in advance.

04What happens in the body?

How to help

Going to appointments, taking notes, the medicine list, transport and paperwork.

Respect

The decision is your parent’s. Give your view, but leave the choice to them. If needed, help them write down their wishes in advance.

Keys on a calendar
Figure 2.Keys on a calendar — For an adult son or daughter

Support from afar

Joining appointments by phone or video, online documents, and keeping in touch with a neighbour or friend.

An old tree and a young tree
Figure 3.An old tree and a young tree

05An adult child’s role

Four steps.

Talk — Open conversation.1TalkOpen conversation.
Respect the choice — It is theirs.2Respect the choiceIt is theirs.
Share — With siblings.3ShareWith siblings.
Your own life — Balance.4Your own lifeBalance.
ClosenessTogetherness in a new stage.
A fair loadEveryone contributes.

06Key points at a glance

TopicIn brief
How to helpGoing to appointments, taking notes, the medicine list, transport and paperwork.
RespectThe decision is your parent’s. Give your view, but leave the choice to them. If needed, help them write down their wishes in advance.
Support from afarJoining appointments by phone or video, online documents, and keeping in touch with a neighbour or friend.

07Key terms

Consent form
A document naming who the doctor may share information with.
Advance care planning
Discussing future care wishes ahead of time.
Companion
A person who goes to appointments together with the patient.

08Key points

  • Talk together.
  • Respect the decision.
  • Share the load.
  • Look after yourself.

09Frequently asked questions

Will the doctor not tell me anything?

They can if your parent gives consent; arrange it in advance.

I live far away. What can I do?

Join appointments by phone and organise documents and the calendar.

10Questions for your doctor

Take these questions to your appointment. The ones you save are collected on the “My questions” page and stay on this device only.

  1. Will the doctor not tell me anything?

  2. I live far away. What can I do?

My questions

12Sources

  1. National Cancer Institute (NCI). Caring for the Caregiver
  2. National Cancer Institute (NCI). When Someone You Love Is Being Treated for Cancer (booklet)
  3. National Cancer Institute (NCI). Support for Families When Someone Has Cancer
  4. National Cancer Institute (NCI). Leukemia — Patient Version
  5. National Cancer Institute (NCI). Complementary and Alternative Medicine (CAM)
  6. MedlinePlus. Complete Blood Count (CBC)
  7. NHS. Sepsis
  8. National Cancer Institute (NCI). Chemotherapy to Treat Cancer
  9. National Cancer Institute (NCI). Questions to Ask Your Doctor about Your Diagnosis
  10. National Cancer Institute (NCI). Questions to Ask about Cancer Treatment
Medical disclaimerThis information is for educational purposes only and does not replace medical advice.
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