← Back
After treatment and remission

Returning to family life

When treatment ends, family life may not go back to how it was straight away. This topic explains how to rebuild communication, roles and relationships with children and a partner.

Last updated: ~3 min read
A round table with glowing cups.
Figure 1.Family life at home.

01Short answer

During treatment, family life is organised around the illness: someone provides care, someone takes over tasks, and children sometimes stay with relatives. When treatment ends, everyone expects a return to “normal life”, but this usually happens gradually. You may still be tired (topic “Balancing fatigue and activity”) and may feel fear and anxiety (topics “Fear on test day” and “Fear of relapse”). Family members may either overprotect you or think everything is now over. These different expectations create tension. The NCI calls this period the “new normal” — life changes and new rules need to be found. What helps: say openly what you feel and what you are ready for; share household tasks again according to your strength; start with small shared activities such as a meal together or a walk; and keep some time for yourself. Talk with children honestly and in a way suited to their age: answer their questions about the illness and bring back familiar routines. In a relationship, closeness and sex life may change (topic “After childhood leukemia”); talking about it and asking a doctor for help if needed is normal. Family members — especially carers — can also become exhausted, and they need support too. If tension goes on for a long time, a psychologist or family counsellor can help.

02Simple explanation

The return happens gradually.

Family members may expect different things.

The “new normal” means new rules.

Talking openly is the key step.

Family members need support too.

03Scientific explanation

New normal: the NCI notes that family roles and relationships change after treatment and that this is normal.

Communication: the NCI’s “Facing Forward” advises talking openly about feelings, needs and expectations.

Children: the NCI shows that honest, age-appropriate talk and keeping routines reduce children’s anxiety.

Emotions: CRUK and the ACS note that emotional difficulties after treatment are common in both patients and their loved ones.

04What happens in the body?

Why can it be hard?

Roles have changed, you still get tired, and your family either overprotects you or thinks “it’s all over”.

Puzzle pieces of light fitting together.
Figure 2.Roles readjusting — Returning to family life

Talking openly

Say what you feel, what you are ready for and what you are not ready for yet. Ask your loved ones the same.

Children

Honest, age-appropriate answers, a steady routine and time together. If a child’s behaviour changes, talk with their teacher or a psychologist.

Your partner

Your relationship, closeness and sex life may change. Make time for each other and, if needed, see a counsellor together.

Two paths of light joining.
Figure 3.Partners coming together again.

Carers

People who have provided care for a long time can become exhausted. Look after their rest and support too.

When to call your doctor

Worrying signs — fever, bleeding, new pain, breathlessness — should be reported to your doctor between visits too. Getting in touch early is always better than waiting.

05Returning to the family

Steps.

Talk — Talk openly.1TalkTalk openly.
Share — Share tasks.2ShareShare tasks.
Together — Time together.3TogetherTime together.
Yourself — Time for yourself.4YourselfTime for yourself.
ClosenessRelationships recover.
HomeA new balance is found.
SupportEveryone gets support.

06Common situations in families (simplified)

SituationWhat may help
OverprotectionSay what you can do yourself
Expecting “it’s all over”Explain about fatigue
A child’s anxietyHonest talk, a steady routine
Distance from a partnerTime together, open talk
A tired carerRest, support

* Every family is different; find your own way.

07Key terms

New normal
Changed life after treatment.
Role
A person’s part in the family.
Carer
A loved one who looks after the patient.
Exhaustion
Tiredness from long-term strain.
Family counsellor
A specialist in family relationships.
Routine
A steady daily pattern.

08Key points

  • Give the return time.
  • Talk openly about feelings.
  • Share tasks according to your strength.
  • Talk honestly with children.
  • Make time for your partner.
  • Help carers to rest.

09Frequently asked questions

My family overprotects me.

Calmly explain what you can do yourself.

My child is behaving badly.

This may be a sign of anxiety; talk with the teacher and a psychologist.

We argue more as a couple.

This is common; a counsellor can help you both.

When should we ask for help?

If tension goes on or gets in the way of daily life.

Does this information replace medical advice?

No. This is general education; only your treating doctor can assess your situation.

10Questions for your doctor

Take these questions to your appointment. The ones you save are collected on the “My questions” page and stay on this device only.

  1. My family overprotects me.

  2. My child is behaving badly.

  3. We argue more as a couple.

  4. When should we ask for help?

  5. Does this information replace medical advice?

My questions

12Sources

  1. National Cancer Institute. Survivorship: the new normal
  2. National Cancer Institute. Facing Forward: Life After Cancer Treatment
  3. National Cancer Institute. Talking to Children about Your Cancer
  4. National Cancer Institute. Feelings and Cancer
  5. Cancer Research UK. Coping with cancer emotionally
  6. National Cancer Institute (NCI). Follow-Up Medical Care
  7. National Cancer Institute (NCI). Cancer Survivorship
  8. Cancer.Net (ASCO). Follow-Up Care After Cancer Treatment
  9. Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS). Long-Term and Late Effects of Treatment
  10. Cancer.Net (ASCO). Long-Term Side Effects of Cancer Treatment
Medical disclaimerThis information is for educational purposes only and does not replace medical advice.
Last updated: ← Back to the list

Open the interactive site →